fairness

once, i was walking along hougang mall, just window-shopping. i ran into my junior’s family, which had a few younger siblings. the mom was having a small disagreement with them, and asked me in front of them, “sebby, is life fair?”

well, my life experience at that point in time told me the answer. “of course not. life isn’t governed by fairness.” the kids kept quiet pretty quickly after that.

now, after living a few more years, i’ve got a better comeback:

“nope. life isn’t fair. it isn’t fair that sometimes ur friends can go out late, but u can’t. it isn’t fair that even tho ur parents can afford it, u get a lot less pocket money than ur friends. it isn’t fair that u have tuition on weekends at every possible hour, when ur friends can go hang out and actually enjoy their weekend.

“but it also isn’t fair that u have such great parents that are so concerned, they might be considered over-protective, when others have abusive or absent parents. it isn’t fair that u’re well-off when so many ppl with kinder hearts than urs have so little. it isn’t fair that despite ur terrible attitude in life, u’re given a healthy body, and the means to keep healthy, when other more loving people have to deal with physical or mental disabilities. where’s the fairness in that?

“would u be willing to give up all these things that have been advantageously given to u, even when u don’t deserve it? no? then enjoy ur ridiculously unfair life gratefully, and thank those who have made it possible for u to live this way.”

fairness is an often beat-up concept that needs to be redefined. those who pursue fairness believe in “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” sounds fair, right? but we all know that it’s because people keep fighting for their “eye” or “tooth”, wars will never cease.

i’m not talking about huge wars like world wars 1 and 2. i’m talking about family feuds, gang wars, etc. if everyone fought for revenge, the violence will never stop. everyone is someone’s son or daughter, brother or sister, and friend. if all they can think about it is to make the other person suffer the way they’ve suffered, this chain will never be broken.

now, don’t get me wrong. i’m not saying we let all who have done us wrong go free. serial killers and rapists need to be stopped, so that they won’t be able to hurt another helpless victim. that, i feel, is about justice, the greater good. but what about the minor trespasses? the hurts someone has laid to u? maybe a damaging rumour? or a broken heart? or even a deep personal betrayal?

Jesus explained to us how we are to deal with enemies. In Luke 6:27-42, he spoke of love for your enemies and judging others. like everything else in the Bible, love is the answer.

(i know, sounds like a broken record.)

the pursuit of fairness has been the cause for a lot of pain. in fact, i’ve recently been struggling with this, as i wanted to make someone feel the same pain that was caused to me. i had felt slighted, and i wanted revenge. when i first wrote this, revenge sounded like too strong a word, but upon reflection, it was exactly what i wanted to do. i did not consider myself a vengeful person, but i am ashamed of those terrible thoughts.

life isn’t fair. it isn’t a new concept to the world, and not a new concept to me. it just occasionally slips my mind that not everyone i meet will treat me the way i treat them, nor should i expect them to. i am just grateful for the advantageous gifts that have come my way, and will accept whatever else i’ve been given, knowing that there will be lessons behind each one.

i’m sure u’ve heard this line from cynics before: “it rains on the just and unjust alike.” and in mitch albom’s book, the five people you’ll meet in heaven, the blue man said “fairness doesn’t govern death. if it did, no good person would ever die young.”

i personally believe that people pursue fairness because they don’t believe that God will handle it for them. they want to make others pay for their sins in front of them, instead of letting God mete out the punishment. they believe that if one were to die, that’s the end.

but we know differently. we know that our reward is great in heaven if we live by his Word, and that if we seek the approval of man, well, we’ve already taken our reward. we believe in a true life after death, and that this is just a trial run. we believe that God will do what is necessary, and well, we shouldn’t intervene.

let God sort them out. don’t get caught up in the world-wide struggle to find fairness.

(i wrote this for myself. may i never seek fairness ever again. for if life were fair to me, i would never have all of u fantastic friends beside me. *hugs*)